words by ava

grasped so tightly/ the skin of my hand has turned white/ to offer one brick/ russet red like those ones that built the wall we use to lean on after school//the tendons of my hand flex their last/ my bones tremble/the brick falls/scuffs my mary jane/ as it sinks through the languid air/ the echo resounds/ and the great maze begins  

I thought they were going to protect me/these walls/ that I Iaid yesterday/last week/ oh perhaps longer than that/it has been a while in here/ time has distorted in here/the bricks that built my home in here/to end my spiral/they circle/to form the great maze of mammoth size/its bounds unbeknownst/to the one it holds within// oh, what to call one who/ willingly encloses themselves/who swims into the belly of the whale and knows/who descends the steps and knows/who walks eyes open into the darkness and knows/the trap that’s laid out/takes the sacrifice with outstretched arms/because to know confinement/ is to know the taste of freedom

Ah, the control/God it felt good/ the release/like nothing I’d ever felt before/but to feel it taking over/ another poison indeed/ the monster at the heart of it all/at the heart of me/ losing myself to it/ to hear it speak when I speak/to feel it take up space/ until there is nothing left/until monster becomes me// I mouth the words and witness the reflection growl/in the mirror/the wisps of black smoke that adorn me/curl across my features/ like the talons of a falcon/or the horns of a bull. How much/ do I have to tell you/ before you understand/ that a death like that/ kisses back? In this story/the minotaur lives 

Oh, the safety/that once/exuded from the walls/a maze isn’t a trap until you want to get out. The sweet taste/ of freedom/corrupted/now sickly sweet. And I realize/looking up/that I can’t see any further/and know now/ that the black and blue crow that always flew overhead/he knew/ the splendor of the air/because he was free/he knew/that to forfeit control/was to determine/to find freedom/ despite the evil that lurks in the shadows

And I realize/I must go/and I stand/and walk/then speed up and running, running, know I have to get out/ will get it out/ and the exit is just ahead/ and I’ve escaped/the fog that encircles me clothes me in a blanket to shield me/ to move on/leave the walls behind/trade the bricks for a soft permeable mist/ I do not turn back/to look/but oh, to hear the maze tremble as it collapses/to escape the black smoke and the horns that curled/in this story/the minotaur crumbles as the walls fall.